This is an email I just got. I felt compelled to share.
There were a bunch of pictures in it, too, but I didn’t feel like including them. I just don’t even know what to say.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is a profoundly twisted metaphor for quality programs run amok. Please watch it and keep an eye out for all the intolerance, horror, oppression and corporate fascism. And thinly veiled Lean SIX SIGMA symbolism.
Santa ethnically cleansed Abominable’s people from the North Pole. He is the last survivor. After propagandizing him and driving him into a cave, they pull all his teeth out, leaving him defenseless and then throw him over a cliff. Later, they decide he’s ok when they find a dangerous task he can do for them. He “hates everything to do with Christmas”. Really? I understand he hates evil Santa, and who wouldn’t, after he put up a bunch of trees and decorated them to mock the graves of his ancestors, but why drag Christmas into this? Jeebus too? Especially him. How does he feel about Hannukah?
I know they needed a reason for toys to sing and dance. I get that. But their song is f*cked up. Their only desire is Christmas. But Santa strategically placed them as a “toy reserve”, like the Army does with ammo, except the bullets don’t have souls that constantly sing songs about how sad they are at not being able to kill anyone, bumming everyone out. Their suffering is not Santa’s problem (Christmas). They don’t want to be there. That is the first thing they tell Rudolph. I envision little text boxes detailing all the different “defects” for the background toys (ghey, communist, Fox News viewer…). Isn’t there some form for Charlie to fill out, changing his name to Jack? Santa is very into “arbitrary rules”.
Yukon Cornelius is some bizarre caricature of “capitalism”, just like Santa, but Yukon can only be Santa’s mercenary, sort of a North Pole Blade Runner, scooping up escapees and imposing order. He sings a song about money, while brutalizing the environment. Yukon drops a boulder on Abominable, enslaves him and literally drags him back to the center of his humiliation and support the very thing he hates most in the world (Christmas).
The King of the Island of Misfit Toys (no need to explain that, but in a children’s show?) tells Rudolph to go tell Santa about the toys, when Santa clearly placed them there for logistical reasons. He built a prison for them, on top of a mountain. So King is basically their jailer. And when Rudolph and Hermie ask to stay, he tells them they are “too defective” (FIVE SIGMA) and need to go. AND HE CAN FLY! Go tell Santa yourself you bleeping bleep hole! I have to walk!!! And its 20 below outside. And dark for six months. And I have to ride an iceberg. Screw off!
Rudolph returns to confront Santa, only to find his mom, dad and girlfriend are missing in the frozen wastelands, which is 100% Santa’s fault, yet his only concern is “Christmas”. I think the toy “island” is really Santa’s shameful secret, in his relentless desire to be SIX SIGMA compliant. Those defects had to be concealed. Their constant suffering was an unintended bonus, but he knew he might need them later. Santa needs to write a management book.